I am Glen and I had my first breakdown in October 2008. 

As part of Mental Health Awareness Week, this is my story in 3 parts.

So who was I before my breakdown? 

Open and generally optimistic, I was fortunate that I enjoyed my Monday mornings as much as my Saturday afternoons. I used to sing when I got to the office in the morning.

“Oh what a wonderful morning, Oh what a wonderful day…..”

I managed a team of 6 engineers and was responsible for winning work, managing the team, delivering projects, keeping the client happy and making money. Life was busy, but I didn’t believe it was unreasonably so.

I put in the extra hours – sometimes working late at the office or coming home and settling in front of the telly in the evening with my laptop open. I would often work Sundays too – but I was at home and the family could see me and interact with me, so that was Ok (wasn’t it?)

I don’t remember when I stopped singing, but I do remember starting to use phrases like “I’m getting old” or “I’m getting grumpy in my old age”. I didn’t know it then, but these were some of the early warning signs that everything was not OK.

I used to think I was doing great, I loved my job, I was doing what I wanted to be doing and I was heading up the career ladder – life was good. 

Of course, I had to put in the hours – that was what was expected, wasn’t it?

Of course, I got stressed, that came with the territory.

Of course, that stress led to sleepless nights, but again that is just part of being in management – it happens to everyone.

Because I was tired, I would be short-tempered – but surely my family understood. I was doing this for them as much as me.

In September life got a little more chaotic. We had lots of visitors, (we live 8 minutes from the beach) or we were visiting friends and family (I am sure 60% of our family birthdays are in September!).  

Our weekends were as full as my working week. I need peace and quiet to recharge my batteries, and it just wasn’t happening.

I was also having some problems at work – I won’t hide behind this illness with respect to some mistakes I made on a couple of my projects.  However, the impact of these mistakes on me was severe. I pride myself on doing a good job – these projects were the start of my sense of failure and loss of confidence. 

Talking to others around me at the time the most significant change to my behaviour was a complete loss of perspective. Every problem seemed critical and I started to make more and more irrational decisions, which of course made the situation worse and led to greater feelings of failure and worthlessness and more sleepless nights; a vicious circle. 

Eventually, something had to give and one day I broke down at work when talking to a colleague about work.  The following day, after another sleepless night, I woke up in tears. I was in a bad place.

Tomorrow – Part 2 – My darkest days

I have told my story to audiences of between 10 and 150 people across many industries. If you want to know more about the services we offer please contact me at glenridgeway@workplacewellbeingacademy.com