I realise that Part 3 is too long for a single Blog so I am splitting it into 2

When I first saw my doctor she prescribed antidepressants.  They don’t work for everyone, but for me they were a vital first step to recovery. They got me to a point where I could start taking control of my own life again.

Even though I was on ‘happy pills’ it still took me time to accept that I was very ill and that it would take a long time for me to recover. This was, in part, because of my sense of guilt – “How could I take time off and dump my workload on to people who were at least as stressed at work as I was?” 

But there was also a large amount of misplaced pride – “Mental illness is for weak minded people – I am stronger that that” – “How can this be happening to me?” This just shows how little I knew about Depression at the time.

The most important help that I received at this time was the constant reassurance from colleagues that ‘everything was in hand’, my projects were being redistributed and cover had been found for my other responsibilities. This allowed me to eventually accept that I could take time off to recover properly. Ultimately it took more nearly 3 months before I returned to work in any capacity and it took much longer for me to get back to full capacity. 

Recovery is never linear, it started for me when I started to notice positive thoughts creeping through the despair. Like rays of sunshine breaking though stormy clouds

There were many days when I was just incapable of doing anything. But slowly I started to think about the future and became determined to get better.

I researched Depression to help me better understand my illness. This helped me to come to terms with the fact that Depression can hit anyone and is not a sign of weakness, but it also helped me realise that I could do something to help myself get better. 

Structured Activity Programmes are often used to treat people with depression. So, with the consent of my, doctor I developed some of my own. These Included going to the gym, swimming, long walks and baking. 

Initially it was very much a case of forcing myself to do this stuff (or being bullied into it by my wife) but eventually I found myself starting to enjoy the activities – with the exception of the gym which I still hate with a passion. 

I used to set myself small targets (e.g. swim more lengths than last time, complete the walk in a faster time etc.) these small successes started to help me overcome my sense of worthlessness.

This was enough to get me back to work part-time but it wasn’t until my employer arranged professional counselling for me that I started to make bigger improvements. The sessions helped me resolve many of my outstanding issues – such as my sense of failure and loss of self-worth. 

But this was just the start of my recovery – I didn’t know it then, but I still had a long way to go.

I have told my story to audiences of between 10 and 150 people across many industries. If you want to know more about the services we offer please contact me at gleridgway@workplacewellbeingacademy.com